Tom Umstattd, CPA

    Books and tapes may be checked out of our library to help our clients in understanding and preparing their financial statements and tax returns and make better business decisions.  Is this site serious for you? Please read some CPA jokes. 

• Suggested videos in our library are:

  • How to Organize & Maintain Files & Records by Fred Pryor Series           

   

  • Mastering QuickBooks Software by Real World Training Quick Books99, a 7 volume videotape series (note:  this is outdated material for newer Quick Books versions):

    1.    Setting up QuickBooks (& Avoiding Errors)

    2.    BC's of QuickBooks Accounting

    3.    Sales and Accounts Receivable

    4.    Purchases Payables, & Inventory

    5.    Payroll & Time Tracking

    6.    Customizing and Repaying for Your Company

    7.    Special Features and Transactions

     

• Suggested books in our library are:

  • Rich Dad Poor Dad, by Robert T. Kiyosaki

  • The McGraw-Hill Guide to Starting Your Own Business, A Step-by-Step Blueprint for the First-Time Entrepreneur, by Stephen C. Harper

  • Avoiding Mistakes in Your Small Business, Profiting from the Experiences of Others, by  David Karlson, Ph.D.

  • The Millionaire Next Door, by Thomas J. Stanley & William Danko, Longstreet Press, October 1996

   

  Disclaimer:  the information contained in the publications above do not necessarily represent what our professional opinion would be for any specific situation or specific client.

   

• For links to other tax sites Click Here.

• Some all time favorite Jokes, yes, CPAs do have a sense of humor

• An IRS agent told us that on a certain Form 1040 there was a married couple reporting 12 children as dependents.  The wife listed her profession as “laborer.”  

• What color is that cow?  There was once an IRS examiner scrutinizing what the taxpayer claimed was a “legitimate working ranch” which yielded a juicy $47,000 net operating loss.  This was a particularly persnickety cynical examiner who had already asked to actually see "the wife and children" that were claimed on the tax return.  Attempting to arrive at some common ground, the CPA asked some easy questions, pointing to a cud-chewing cow asked:  what color is that cow?  Now the examiner definitely knew something was up and responded:  “It’s brown….on THIS side.”

• A young man floating in a hot air balloon realized he had become lost.  Seeing a golf course below, he lowered his balloon down next to the 14^th green.  After waiting quietly for an older gentleman to finish his put, he asked him, “Where am I?”  After the old man very carefully examined him, he answered, “You are standing in a basket next to the 14^th green, a par 4, I might add.”  After thanking the old man for his help, the young man asked, “Oh, by the way, are you an accountant?”  The older gentleman amazed, asked,  “Why yes, how did you guess?”  “Because,” responded the young man, “Your information is terribly accurate and of no use to me whatsoever.”

• To my engineer/accounting friends:  Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference.  At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only a single ticket.  "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.  "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.  They all boarded the train.  The accountants took their respective seats, but all three engineers crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them.  Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets.  He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please."  The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.  The conductor took it and moved on.  The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.  So, after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.  When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip.  To their astonishment, the engineers bought no tickets at all.  "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed accountant.  "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.  When they boarded the train the three accountants crammed into a restroom, and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby.  The train departed.  Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.  He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket please."

• Only one survived a shipwreck on a south seas deserted island.  Recently, a ship happened by and rescued this poor old fellow who was living like Robinson Crusoe for over 20 years.  While he was standing on the ship’s deck with the captain, looking back at the island, the captain noticed something on the island:  “What is that structure in the trees?” he asked.  “Oh, that is my house,” the survivor answered.  The captain continued, “and there is another structure behind it to the left…” “That is the church I attend,” smiled the survivor.  “And that 3^rd structure behind and to the right?”  At this the survivor became rather embarrassed and hesitatingly replied, “Well, uh, that is the church I used to attend.”

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